I think I can talk about it now without crying.

There are five great loves in my life: My family, music, Hanson, Comedy, and Michael Jackson. When I was punished for having bad grades and couldn't play my CD's, I would sneak tapes of his music and listen to them on a battered walkman -- not because they were the only tapes that I had, but because it was the only CD's I owned. Every album of his made it to my collection and still commands a hefty part of my daily music mixes, from jamming along to Smooth Criminal to get pumped for a big day to listening to Human Nature -- for a long time my favorite song -- to humming Will You Be There, Michael Jackson was a daily part of my life, even if I was ridiculed for it in middle school to the point of tears, even if I was ridiculed to the point of being shunned by other kids. I liked him when it wasn't cool to. I loved him to the point of one of the two days I have ever skipped school was to watch the verdict come in on his trial, and I banged pots and pans in celebration like it was New Year's Eve.

I had dreamed about meeting him someday. I wrote him a letter thanking him from the bottom of my heart for sharing his music and his love because it wasn't just a few people in this world that he cared about, it was the entire world. When my days were at their worst, when it felt like the sun would never shine again, he was there in voice. He shared with us -- all of us, regardless of our taste of music, the color of our skin, or creed or sexuality or all the glorious things that make us different - the most precious thing anyone could share with the world. He shared himself, and his spirit seemed to bleed.

Michael, those you loved and who love you in return will always be there and will carry you. You dance among the stars not in Hollywood, but in the Milky Way, across Andromeda, and through the inky blackness of the heavens, across the face of the Moon and still in the hearts of all your fans, all your believers.

We Love You, Michael.

In our darkest hour, in my deepest despair
Will you still care? Will you be there?
Through my trials and my tribulations
Through our doubts and frustrations
In my violence, in my turbulence, through my fear
Through my confessions and my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow, and the promise of another tomorrow.
I'll never let you part; for you're always in my heart.
"Will You Be There?" Michael Jackson Dangerous